worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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