I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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