Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's shark week go big or go home
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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