he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
