Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
