Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my poor anus
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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