no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
