I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
