Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
