i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
