dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
