AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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