so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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