I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
where are my eyebrows?
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