Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
