was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize