so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
