I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
