I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
