I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
