Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
