On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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