im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
