This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
