You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My vagina is very pro this idea
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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