not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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