Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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