His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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