I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
