i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
