Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
