Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
