Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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