I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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