Im at strip club and am horny
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
