Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
