Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
did you just send me my own nude
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
