it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
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It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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