i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
