the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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