That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My life is pants optional.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
