You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
