I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize