ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
