you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
