she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
