very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
