New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
