Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
