I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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