I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
