My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Randomize
