I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Farmville is her only friend.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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