take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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