I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
