My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
