no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nutella sex= disaster
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
