i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
