For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Randomize
