The maid of honor just puked.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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