this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
