He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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