his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How's work?
Spinning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
