The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
