At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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