I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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