I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
