According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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