please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
