Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
